Because I'm unemployed and can't pay my gas bill, I'll even tell you exactly who has these crushes on you (for $4). Hell, fer four bux, I'll tell you who has crushes on any name you type in!
Oh, my. That’s truly vile. Don’t worry, I will not
be buying the answers. I will not knowingly be having anything to do with the author of that meme, either.
(If ya wanna know if I listed you as a crush, just ask. If ya wanna tell me if you had a secret or public crush on me, just say. But betraying people’s privacy like this is just evil. In some jurisdictions, it might be illegal. I hope this person gets in serious hot water.)